This is the photo that broke my heart and caused us to step back, take a good hard look and make some (more) changes to our lives.
I took this photo on the very first day of school this year and to be honest, it was so hard to pop these two in the car and drive them to school after seeing this. However, throughout the first day, I held out hope that my girl would come home happy and that things may have finally changed (after many years of unhappiness).
Sadly they didn't. Her face wasn't the same when I picked her up, it was more of a blank face, the kind of face you have when you are trying to resign yourself to something, accept something that you know isn't going to change. It was another face that broke my heart just a little more.
Those of you who are longtime readers of my blog will know that Emily has struggled to fit into school for many years now, and for many years I have asked for help (which we have not gotten) and we have tried to teach Emily how to cope with being bullied, ignored and generally how to cope with not fitting in. After seeing this photo, and hearing of her first lunchtime in Year 9 being spent alone in the Library (once again), my decision was made. She wasn't going back. I couldn't continue to put my girl into a situation where she felt invisible, unimportant and completely sad, day after day after day.
So for now, while we all try and heal a little each day, and find our feet, Emily is spending her days at home with me, where she will school with me for now. For me, having a happy, well balanced and confident child means MORE to me than any grade, or score or mark. I believe everyone has a right to feel as though they belong, that they are important and that those around them value them for who they are. School wasn't the right place for our girl, and while we (especially me) are all a little fragile, broken and stressed about all that is happening, we will take this time to build her confidence back up, and bring back her smile once again.
So if I am a little quiet around here, if I am not being very inspirational or releasing many patterns at the moment, please know it is because I am juggling lots of 'hats' at the moment while we find our feet, our new groove and our 'happy' once again. xx